Thesis: Breaking and Fixing
Apologies for the not-so-brief hiatus. Up until this afternoon, I barely had time to breathe between Children’s Hour rehearsals (we open in less than two weeks- ah!) and my thesis. But while on the train home for a less-than-twenty-four-hours visit home for Easter, I sent another draft of my script to my director… and wow was writing this draft hard!
After meeting with my thesis professor and thesis adviser, I had a lot of things to think about. At first, though, it seemed do-able. I thought I understood everything they were saying and i sat down to write pretty excited. That quickly dissipate as I realized I didn’t actually understand everything. Sometimes I thought I didn’t understand anything. Two weekends ago, I had almost the whole weekend off from rehearsal as they rehearsed the act I’m not in, and I thought I was in luck- nearly 48 hours to concentrate only on my thesis. What I hadn’t counted on was the well of creativity running dry. I try to be one of those writers that writes through the problems, but this time, I couldn’t. Pathetically, I spent more time crying than I did writing. I wrote a panicked e-mail to my adviser, begging him to meet with me. I wrote it on the verge of tears, and I think he could tell because he wrote back asking me what was wrong and told me that I shouldn’t make myself sick over a script. The dry spell lasted into Monday, when I burst into tears in my Neutral Mask class and couldn’t stop.
But the issues ended, as these things tend to do. On Tuesday, I was able to write or rewrite a few scenes and send them off to my adviser, who I then met with on Wednesday. I had calmed down by then and was able to talk with him not only about the issues I had been crying over in the first place, but also about some worries I’d been having since the beginning. When I had met with him the previous week, he had proposed a big change that I really didn’t want to make. I was so scared to tell him that I didn’t want to do it, but I knew I had to… and he was fine with it, which, if I had been thinking rationally, I would have expected him to be. He said that it was my play and if I felt I needed a scene, there was a reason I felt that way. The other confession I made was that while I always thought his ideas and suggestions were really good, I sometimes don’t use them because I feel like I’m stealing his ideas. What he said to this was that he may give me the seed of an idea, but I make it work.
In the end, I felt much better, and on Thursday night and most of Friday, I was able to rewrite five scenes. A lot of them were huge endeavors and I felt really great about finishing them. I had told my director that I’d get a new draft of the script to him by Friday night, but after rewriting a huge new sequence at two a.m. I felt like I needed to sleep on it before turning it in. After three and a half hours of rehearsal today, I finally finished it on the train home. It’s not completely done, but there are so many changes that I felt like it was enough for now. I’ve been given the deadline of April 20th to make my final changes.
In other thesis news, I have an amazing cast. It’s a mixed cast of current students and alumni of my university. I know all but one of them and I know they’re all great. I’m so excited to be working with all of them and can’t wait to see what my director will do with the piece. Now I should stop blogging and get back to revising!